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“What to Do When He Disappears or Pulls Away”
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In this video, Clayton discusses about specific steps on what a woman should do when her man pull away or disappear in the middle of their dating relationship.
Mike: What should women do when he’s not taxing or not calling? What is her best plan of action?
Clayton: It is context-dependent. It depends on when it really happens within the interaction.
If it happens in the beginning, [if] the guy disappears, she has to really take an inventory about whether or not they really have a connection.
If they if they really did have a connection and suddenly he drops off, it is important to have an innocent until proven guilty mindset, right. So rather than assuming that this guy has lost interest and he doesn't want anything to do with her anymore, and suddenly her defenses go up and she responds from that place – she responds in the place of mainly genuine curiosity about what happened if he's okay. She hasn’t seen her a bit. Maybe even some vulnerability. You know, “Hey I really enjoyed talking with you and I’m wondering what happened?” And that is okay to do.
Being able to have [or] express your emotions rather than hide behind some type of defense, is a way that we, as people, are able to eliminate the game plane that naturally comes up in the dating world.
Games comes as a result of one or both parties not being vulnerable with where they're at.
So, that's one way to initiate and possibly rekindle the connection if the guy is not texting. If he doesn't respond or his response is lackluster at that point, I don't encourage women to pursue it at that point any further. But really to move on to the next one because the only thing that’s going to happen when she begins to pursue is she moves even more into the masculine role he, moves more into the receptive role and it just ends up being a waste of time more times than not.
Mike: Awesome I love that.
Clayton: If it happens later in a relationship if they actually have got a connection and the guy pulls away, again an innocent until proven guilty mindset.
They pull away because the emotions that they might be feeling within the connection can get so intense that in my words that it almost can short-circuit the guy’s the neurology. And in order for him to reset, he's got to pull away.
In order for him to get respective and see what actually happens, he find himself, he finds his center and build off the desire and then come back in.
And who the woman is in the face of the man pulling away, how the woman shows up, how she decides to react to him pulling away, communicate so much to him about her value, about her, [about] how she sees herself and her self-esteem.
Mike: Wow that was a phenomenal and that my favorite answer in all of my interviews. I loved every second of that. Ladies that was it… that was it.
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What about when a man pulls away bc he feels unsafe with intimacy? He shuts down to feel safe and protect himself and chooses to be alone. I have an ex who been like this for months, not ready to trust in us and be vulnerable again but unwilling to move on with anyone else. Go no contact, see him on his terms or walk??
I don't know how many videos are out that that tell men to act mature and communicate their needs. But there are lot of videos telling women "that she has to have the poise to understand men will disappear and you will understand it". Ridiculous expectation.
I am not agree to chase someone in life, yeah u can findout wid other sources that he/she is doing gud or not... Rather then being trapped in emotions, nd in curiosity, and madness..
Sometimes people want something else, they play nice wid u, and also they observed you, if they think that they unable to get wht they want from u, they will move away, nd remember time doesn't matter, whthr u r staying together from a decade or from your childhood..
And some time they play such mind games to trap u emotionally, where you just becm mad, nd u start thinking about that person, and thats wht they want to hit you on that time, and later when they feel now it's time to hit they cmout and presenting a fake story
I really liked this video.... I met a guy online the other day and we chatted for a long time and then both exchanged numbers....he told me that he felt a strong connection and that he wanted to keep texted and also talk at some point.... My question to Clayton is how many days do I go before I text him if I dont hear from him? Im trying to think positive cause of our first initial conversation
He ghosted me coz of a new woman damn I don’t like this we didn’t have any problems like nothing at all everything seems perfect and magical just to end up like this he left me hanging alone here wtf i goin on with that mind this is just so unreal (where in a getting to know part with intimacy)any piece of some good advice please ive been doing all advice to act natural act like i dont care I tried all of em but at the end of the day found myself crying to sleep cant stand cuz everyday im seeing them right in front of me so how in the world i can move on easily.. any comments i will appreciate thanks
I think your advice is great and I am at the point where I recognize and accept that men pulling away within a committed relationship is natural and doesn't mean there's anything wrong. However, what I don't know is how t react to a man when you're in his presence AND he needs space. When my current boyfriend needs space, i leave him be as in I go back to my apartment. I don't ignore him meaning I am receptive when he comes back around but I let him do his thing. However, this is easy because we don't live together. When I finally move in with a man, how do I give him space while being in the same house as him? I have noticed that when my boyfriend pulls away, I get upset, and I leave rather than try to talk to him about it (that only made him close up more). But in a marriage, I won't be leaving at those moments but I also don't want to chase him. If anyone else has an answer for me, please feel free to respond.
Lol, better not binge watch these videos , just get on with your everyday life and if/when he decides to re-appear, ✋!! now its to late, shed my tears I don't have time for mind games. Both men and women regardless of age should learn to talk, if a man needs to re-think, get a perspective as to whether he truly loves you and wants to continue courting you etc, better he tell you "I need to have some space to clear my mind" I have some things going on.
Funny, because just as you were planning to see each other, when you were expecting to see him he just Zzoom.........disappears, what is this shit. ???
Immaturity, lack of decency thats what this is, women should not have to cater to nor put up with this behaviour.
Men, if you are reading this be upfront!! The woman will have more respect by you being honest than taking off into space and not saying why, its the same as cheating in a relationship, if you're not happy say so and take a break then go off and date your arse off with other women.
If a man has no real intentions with a woman, you need to let her go, NOT BY GHOSTING HER, BUT BY TELLING HER.
When a man just evaperates from your life suddenly, it simply means he is chasing other skirts, looking for better options while keeping you exasperated and confused as to what went wrong. Nothing!! Its the mans doing, his lose if he thinks he can find a better offer, at the end of the day its all the same the sandwich gets stale after you've taken a couple of bites and left it on the plate.
If you both had a connection and discussed future plans, then this behaviour has no room for excuse. Dont ever disrespect a lover by disengaging, you'd rather have a disagreement than be ghosted, just when you thought things were going well.
This is blastered stupidness and immaturity. The word "ghosting" never existed before 15yrs ago what a lame excuse this generation does in relationships of today, dickheads!!!
So what I'm saying is I'm ready to just quit but I really do like this man. So before I give up totally how do I show that I'm okay with him pulling away. If he's pulling away because his feelings are just too overwhelming for him and I kind of feel that might be the case but I don't like the back and forth. And he has told me that he loves me. And he has expressed that he could see a future with me.
After a year and a half of long distance seeing this person and talking every day, he just fell off. Barely texts and is dismissive with his responses. He said everything is fine and I shouldn't worry but I do. I should just leave him alone but I ask if he is sure it's ok, and I think I push him further away but I'm so depressed and full of anxiety about it. I don't want to make it worse but I need an explanation or reassurance. What do I do?
Today is my birthday and he disappeared for 3 weeks. He wont send me wishes 😕 ( and he disappeared because I went out “without telling him” by the way, he is not my boyfriend, just someone who dates me )
My ex bf said he didn’t want anything to do with me then disappeared but he Loved with a capital L but I think he was flirting with other girls and we only dated for about a week and I think he got a girls number and he refused to hug me around them and then he said he was gonna quickly rid his skate board around the block and it took him almost half an hour so I think he went after the girls I miss him tho but my other ex asked my out last night so he lost his chance and if he appears some were then we can only be friends wich we were NEVER friends only bf and gf I LOVED him tho😶😶😶😶idk i should be happy or sad cause I love both of them.....
I actually used the specific phrase on this video and it really work... Was able to have an open and honest conversation. It didn't lead to a rekindle but it helped me get the answers l needed to move on. Thank you for the great advice!
Okay I have a scenario for you. I have met this guy online and we had a truly good connection. I really enjoyed talking to him and could not wait to meet him. Last week we finally met as we also live in totally different cities. We had an amazing conversation and he mentioned and made it pretty clear he liked me a lot. I tried to be pretty open and show to him that my attraction to him was same and equal. I would never chase anyone as I believe when they want me they will come to me. After we parted he messaged me for a day but now he is not messaged me at all and before we stopped talking his messages we pretty dry. I totally agree that maybe he did not like me as much but why can’t he just say as the day before he was saying he would like to spend more time with me next time. I am so confused 🤷♀️ I totally agree that sometimes things could get in a way but I have my life too and I simple can not wait for someone to acknowledge I mean something to them forever. I need to build my life too. I don’t agree with any sort of games. He is 38 and I am 31. We are adults.
I am a woman and the man I grew to love deeply let me come and go as I needed, as that’s where I am right now I’m life. Not to be with others but that’s what worked for me emotionally at this point with everything in my life. This freedom we both gave each other allowed a true real alive love to blossom because it never came from a place of “should” or “guilt.” Not what everyone is looking for but everyone is different. Some look at relationships as part of their spiritual journey more—just adding another perspective. Communication is helpful though in this process and something we work on gently together by learning to be authentic without being controlling
interesting points ,if anyone else needs to find out about Aquarius way of thinking try Aquarius Insiders Guidelines (do a search on google ) ? Ive heard some unbelievable things about it and my friend got cool success with it.
This is STUPID!!! A guy should expect to lose the woman he’s interested in If he ghosts her with NO explanation!! That’s common sense! I’m sick of these videos putting all the burden on the woman to understand this immature behavior and giving guys the ok to not engage in BASIC communication and have BASIC emotional intelligence!!
I loved a guy who always used for disappear or run away because he couldn't handle a discussion even if it was about fix things, honestly I got tired of him and his attitude, I cried too much for his behavior etc come on girls you deserve someone who never run away like a little girl, sorry but I think that say too much about the love he feels for you! Don't let someone do this to you please!
Part of showing you're high value is understanding that guys come in and out. Another part is making sure your own needs get met in your relationship. e.g. quality time... It can be tough to reconcile these two.
Not that I assume, but when a man pulls away, by the third or fourth of disappearance, I delete their number. It's very unlikely that a man ghosts because he's "scared" or can't handle his feelings." That line is nothing but deception. When a man goes a few days without not even texting you, he's not interested, period!
Glad i got to this video.
I’m in a LDR FOR 7 months. He disappears from time to time for a day or maybe 2!
I nudge him saying that I miss him or if he is ok . Sometimes I get little defensive. He once told me that I need to ask him what happens why he didn’t show up for a chat after I told him that if he doesn’t want to be in the relationship , he should tell me So I would not be a burden to him .
Now I will give him 2 day space , but at this time of our relationship he should communicate to me that he won’t be available for shuck and such time instead of having me guessing and make assumption. I is hard enough to not see him and not knowing why he is not responding to messages.
I will give him another try to see how he is going to act when he disappears and I don’t ask him to call me back .
I’ll be 62 next month and I lost my husband tragically 4 yrs ago after 35 yrs together. Started seeing a guy I met on Facebook and I knew he had a girlfriend and he said he had another lady too. He also said he was greedy. I wasn’t looking for a man period, just friends. He wanted sex and kinky fifty shades of grey sex. I said hell no. He got mad. Early on in dating after first sexual encounter, I didn’t hear from him for a week until I texted him. I’ve almost always had to reach out to him and then we’d talk but only about sex fantasies. I tried to cut off things and he’d say, oh no I was busy. Finally the 5th time around I sent him a nice email and said goodbye. He texts, C u soon. Duh?? I sent another email and cussed him smooth out because he lied to me about going out of town to a shoe store when he was with his girlfriend which I knew of. She went to police and now we had a mess. Sooo done with men for a while. This video is okay, but I’m too old for bullshit. I need a REAL MAN. I’m not your second choice; not an option; and I’m damn sure not gonna be your standby piece.
Even in the ancient cultures wise women would tell the younger women that when their man pulls away, just let him be alone.!! He needs to do this for a while. Its just part of his nature to do this thing. So yeah its universal for guys of all cultures to do this. Accept it ladies you'll be better off for understanding this. It's just the way men are. But that doesn't mean they don't care.
Clayton Olson Coaching maybe if your channel did not make out men to the ones to be catered to and that women have to do all the work I would not be so "inspired". Thank u for proving my point, like I said I never leave these kinds of responses. But your vid here does NOTHING to help women, but rather continue to make it seem like men have no responsibility. As for your channel, no worries I do not plan on wasting my time with this b.s. u tube
A M it makes sense that you would experience men as “pussies” given the amount of aggression this YouTube video is inspiring in you. Look at the common denominator in your struggles. It’s not men. It’s you. If you need to leave unconscious and offensive remarks, don’t do it on my channel.
Awesome! I'm going through the same thing now. Now I know it's not because he is interested with someone else but getting himself together emotionally. He answers my texts and is friendly so there's nothing wrong there, our relationship is three months old....wow!
So, why is it just about the man, always? What about how the woman feels when the man does this for no reason out of the blue? This tells the women to accept such behavior and that they are not worthy of treatment from a man who will be mature enough to just talk to her and be supportive of the relationship, which belongs to both parties. Not just him or to her. Men just sound so fucked up all the time! How do they go to war and make the right decisions and why should we vote for them in office and then have confidence they can DO the jobs? I call bull shit.
I love how you worded and broke down the man’s mind set once a connection has been established. I have been talking to a guy for 3 weeks and I have started to feel a shift on his end where his communication is getting less and less. I feel this is perfect timing as I am leaving for 3 weeks to leave the country, but this video helps me to understand and know how to support him in this process and make our connection stronger.
I'm sorry but I totally disagree. I've seen many man not doing this push pull as u call it, simply because they are mature and grounded man, with whom a woman feels very secure and stable with. On the other hand, man that push pull are just simply not man yet. You shouldn't in courage women to accept this type of behaviour from man as the norm, and furthermore, teach women to put up with this behaviour and even be understandable and nice towards it. Yeah right u just need a mama don't you? Grow up will you?
If a man ignores me, I give it right back. We got into an argument on FB last fall. I told him off and he told me off. I told him I was going to quit him on FB. He said to go ahead. I noticed he left his on-line chat thing open. Probably wondering if I would do it and I did. A couple months later, he sent me a friend request. He drives me nuts. He sometimes starts a chat with me as friends and then he disappears. I don't chase him. I can live just fine on my own and have for years. So is he is wishy washy, the hell with him. Let him do the running. He always starts the chat and I just reply
The pulling away and coming back is exhausting. I've been through this twice with one guy. Just keep busy and live your life. If he comes back just watch his actions and see what he does. And remember it's their stuff so don't take it personally.
If he disappears? I didn't know that was even an option! You mean a woman will still stay with me if I do that and this is the video showing them how to respond? I'm dating a girl now and I feel like if I disappeared for even a second I would lose her and it causes me a lot of anxiety and makes me not free to be myself. Heck, if I could leave for a bit and come back I'd feel a lot better. Maybe woman just need to realize this is what some guys need in order to think things through.
I've been with my boyfriend for six years we both have aspergers syndrome. My boyfriend is saying that we are not seeing enough of each other. Which is right we have been seeing less and less of each other. However he is ignoring a lot of messages that I send him. And he is only phoning me whenever it suits him. He phoned me last night but he was not making any scence because he was so tired that he was falling asleep whilst talking to me. I ended up putting the phone down on him because he fell asleep whilst trying to talk to me. After my messaging him 4 times between last night and now he has sent me a text to say I put the phone down on him and a sad face on the message. Last night after having no choice but to put the phone down I messaged him and apologised for putting the phone down and I explained why I did it. But now he is upset with me for what I did. It seems over recent weeks he keeps saying soon we won't have a relationship because we are not talking to or seeing each other. But then he Olney seems to want to be in touch with me when it suits him. I need to know where I stand with him and I need some guidance about how much and when to contact him. Thank you Hazel
Communication is top priority in a relationship from the beginning.
I understand what you mean about a man pulling away in order to process and gain perspective. However, this phase is very confusing. You advise women to be understanding and patient while a man goes back and forth. I agree with that to a certain extent. However, men should be willing to explain how they're feeling, willing to talk about why they are confused (for clarification) and ask his dating partner for her patience. Will you please advise men of this?
Men also become confused when a woman fades in and out of contact. We do it for the same reasons. The male interpretation is that we're playing games, stringing them along, seeing other men. Women also need to communicate her feelings, that she needs space, time to think, etc. It would be easier if they had some understanding that it's usually not personal. Will you advise men of this so that they understand we're not simply evil monsters pulling on their heartstrings?
Unfortunately, although not reacting to someone pulling away might fit into the idea of a woman as having too much self-worth to let it bother her, this is also the reaction that these guys are hoping for, because it makes it so much easier for them to slither away. They will never learn to stop this rude and cowardly behaviour if there are no negative consequences for them.
So a woman who “values and respects” herself accepts a guy waffling in and out of her life whenever he pleases? And in turn, a guy “respects” a woman more for putting up with this crap?? The hell kind of rubbish is this?? Any woman who actually values and respects herself will run away immediately from a douchebag who treats her like this. She will NOT accept this as “natural male behavior.” Give me a fvcking break.
If a man stands a woman up that he's been in a relationship with for 6 months in thIs pulling away scenario, is that indicative of his character or just his emotional reset? I'm struggling to understand men. By man I mean 40 something, twice-divorced man.
i once had two dates with a guy , who made fun of my looks , but i decided to ignore it because i really liked him .
at the end of the second date , he told me he would call , but didn't .instead , i called him , and told him i had a great time with him . he said he did too , and again promised to call . that call never came . what a surprise ....
my lesson is to not chase a guy , no matter how much i like him . he wants to be with me ? great .he should chase and call etc. he doesn't want to be with me ? that's when i say : next !